Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Ode to a partner by a woman and a man
A WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MANS POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.
A MANS POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Gone are the days!
When the school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches!
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet
managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and
Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to
Color pencils and finally sketch pens!
When we started calculating
first with tables and then with
Clarke's tables and advanced to
Calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in thecorridors in Intervals,
and returned to the classrooms drenched in sweat!
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,
Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world,
Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,
Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played "kabadi" and "Kho-Kho" in scorching sun,
While others simply played "book cricket" in the
Confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 3:45 to "Conquer" window seats in our School bus!
While few others had "Big Fun", "peppermint",
"Kulfi", "milk ice!" and "sharbat!" at 4:00 Clock!
Gone are the days
Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day,
And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly,
Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days
Of tenth and twelfth standards, when
we spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more!
Gone are the days
When we used to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don't have time to say a `Hi'!
Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!
Now we code on the road with laptop!
Gone are the days
When we saw stars shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn't work!
Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms.....!
Gone are the days
Where we studied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!
Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the ATM as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!
Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don't shout even at home
Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....!!
Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and ever.....
Gone are the Days....
But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!
NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE,
DONT FORGET TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL EXISTS......
And we settled in our new desks and benches!
When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes!
When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays, yet
managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.
We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and
Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!
When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to
Color pencils and finally sketch pens!
When we started calculating
first with tables and then with
Clarke's tables and advanced to
Calculators and computers!
When we chased one another in thecorridors in Intervals,
and returned to the classrooms drenched in sweat!
When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,
Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds!
When all the colors in the world,
Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!
When a single P.T. period in the week's Time Table,
Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!
When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!
When few played "kabadi" and "Kho-Kho" in scorching sun,
While others simply played "book cricket" in the
Confines of classroom!
Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!
When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!
When few rushed at 3:45 to "Conquer" window seats in our School bus!
While few others had "Big Fun", "peppermint",
"Kulfi", "milk ice!" and "sharbat!" at 4:00 Clock!
Gone are the days
Of Sports Day, and the annual School Day,
And the one-month long preparations for them.
Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly,
Half Yearly and Annual Exams,
And the most enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days
Of tenth and twelfth standards, when
we spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!
We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more!
Gone are the days
When we used to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don't have time to say a `Hi'!
Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!
Now we code on the road with laptop!
Gone are the days
When we saw stars shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn't work!
Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms.....!
Gone are the days
Where we studied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!
Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the ATM as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!
Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don't shout even at home
Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all... like the one I'm doing now....!!
Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and
Ever and ever and ever.....
Gone are the Days....
But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!
NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE,
DONT FORGET TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL EXISTS......
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Smart Old Man!
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check."
"I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check."
"I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
Friday, January 16, 2009
Woman's Diary Vs Man's Diary
HER DIARY
Tonight, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today India lost the cricket match against Bangladesh. DAMN IT.
Tonight, I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed.
I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
Today India lost the cricket match against Bangladesh. DAMN IT.
Top 21 things an Indian does after returning from abroad especially from US
21. Tries to use a credit card at a side hotel.
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of being health conscious.
19. Sprays deo so that he doesn't need to take a bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
says "Yogurt" instead says "Curd".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart converts to rupees).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee (but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complains about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili and (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about anything in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule"..
4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important
3. Does not remove the airline stickers from the luggage bag, by which he has traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
20. Drinks and carries mineral water and always speaks of being health conscious.
19. Sprays deo so that he doesn't need to take a bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
says "Yogurt" instead says "Curd".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got to go" instead of "Have to go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in Kilo Meters), and counts in Millions. (Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart converts to rupees).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y Zee (but never says Zed)
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY, on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complains about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili and (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about anything in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "mojule"..
4. Looks speciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important
3. Does not remove the airline stickers from the luggage bag, by which he has traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
Ultimate one
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Clever Pakistani Beggar
Asif Ali and Pervez are beggars. They beg in different areas of London .
Pervez begs just as long as Asif Ali but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Asif Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes,
Lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Pervez says to Asif Ali 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do
You bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
AsifAli says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Pervez's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
AsifAli says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3
Pervez says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Asif Ali shows Pervez his sign....
It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '..
Pervez begs just as long as Asif Ali but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
Asif Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes,
Lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Pervez says to Asif Ali 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do
You bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
AsifAli says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
Pervez's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
AsifAli says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3
Pervez says... 'So what does your sign say'?
Asif Ali shows Pervez his sign....
It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan '..
Tragedy, Accident or Great Loss?
President George Bush is visiting an Elementary school today and he visits one of the classes.
They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, 'tragedy.'
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'
One little boy stands up and offers, 'If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.'
'No,' says Bush, 'that would be an ACCIDENT.'
A little girl raises her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explains Mr. President, 'That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS.'
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, 'If Air Force One carrying Mr.& Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic,' exclaims Bush, 'that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?'
'Well,' says the boy, 'because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss.'
They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asks the President if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, 'tragedy.'
So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'
One little boy stands up and offers, 'If my best friend, who lives next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him over, that would be a tragedy.'
'No,' says Bush, 'that would be an ACCIDENT.'
A little girl raises her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explains Mr. President, 'That's what we would call a GREAT LOSS.'
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush searches the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says, 'If Air Force One carrying Mr.& Mrs. Bush, were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic,' exclaims Bush, 'that's right. And can you tell me WHY that would be a TRAGEDY?'
'Well,' says the boy, 'because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly wouldn't be a great loss.'
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Satyam Nursery Rhymes
Raju Raju sat on the wall
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud
Raju Raju
Yes Papa
Cheating us
No Papa
Telling Lies
No Papa
Open the balance sheet
Ha Ha Ha
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud
Raju Raju
Yes Papa
Cheating us
No Papa
Telling Lies
No Papa
Open the balance sheet
Ha Ha Ha
Monday, January 12, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
A Violinist in the Metro
A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the
violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about
45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that
thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to
work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician
playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried
up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw
the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but
the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late
for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged
him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the
mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the
time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents,
without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for
a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He
collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one
noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best
musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever
written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater
in Boston and the seats average $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was
organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about
perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a
commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do
we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected
context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians
in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are
we missing?
Video and audio of the performance are available on the Washington Post website.
violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about
45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that
thousand of people went through the station, most of them on their way to
work.
Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician
playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried
up to meet his schedule.
A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw
the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.
A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but
the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late
for work.
The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged
him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the
mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk turning his head all the
time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents,
without exception, forced them to move on.
In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for
a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace. He
collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one
noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best
musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever
written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater
in Boston and the seats average $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was
organized by the Washington Post as part of an social experiment about
perception, taste and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a
commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do
we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected
context?
One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians
in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are
we missing?
Video and audio of the performance are available on the Washington Post website.
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