Naughty Kodak Moments

Definitions of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months!

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

True face of pakistan media (Funny)

Cosmetic Breast Surgery Victim Sues Surgeon

Cosmetic breast surgery victim sues her surgeon


Surgeon says,"They look okay to me!"

A "different" kind of blast in Pakistan at the Marriott Hotel

Pause Musicale Feminine

बाप of all PJs

You must have seen the Dev Anand mega hit film 'Guide'. In the film there is a famous song 'गाता रहे मेरा दिल...' in which Waheeda Rehman wears a pink saree throughout the song.

So, when we have a trend of heroines changing clothes in every sequence, the big question is: Why doesn't Waheda Rehman change her saree in the entire song?

The answer to this is simply amazing and no amount of head scratching will help you:

I BET U HAVE NOT COME ACROSS ANYTHING INTELLIGENT THAN THIS ...

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And the answer is:



Because in the first stanza of the song, Dev Anand sings the following lines:


'ओ मेरे हमराही,
मेरी बाह थामें चलना,
बदले दुनिया 'सारी',
तुम ना बदलना...

Which is more painful?

This one...


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or This .. ????????????
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Iraqi News - Fake but Funny

Presenting the world's most pathetic dance video

Lo and behold! A funny video clip for your viewing pleasure



The origins of this comedy masterpiece are unknown but I presume that this belongs to some B-grade movie. The dance sequence is ably assisted with some moves that seem vaguely similar to physical training exercises in primary school. The lipsync and sublime expressions are unbelievable... Must be an ultimate frustroo movie (note the gratuitous groping of the actress)

I want to learn this new dance form from the choreographer... Please let me know if any of you find out anything about this movie, actor or choreographer...

CDO Market Is Dead, Not Just Pining for Fjords

A Monty Python parrot sketch takeoff on the sub-prime mess by Mark Gilbert from Bloomberg (You can access the news column here

For those who have never heard about Monty Python or the Parrot Sketch (and have been living under a rock), you can find the Parrot Sketch video at here on YouTube

Hedge-Fund Guy enters an investment bank. "I wish to complain about this derivative security what I purchased not two years ago from this very boutique," he says.

"Ah yes, the Collateralized-Debt Obligation," says the Wall Street Banker. "What's wrong with him?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with him, my lad. He's dead, that's what's wrong with him!"

Wall Street Banker: "No, no, he's ... restin'." Hedge-Fund Guy: "Look, matey, I know a dead derivative when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

"No, no, he's not dead, he's restin'! Remarkable investment, the CDO, isn't it? Beautiful plumage!"

"The plumage don't enter into it. He's stone dead."

"Nononono, no, no! He's restin'!"

"All right then, if he's resting, I'll wake him up!" (Shouts at the derivative): "Ello, Mister CDO! I've got a lovely fresh rating upgrade for you if you ..." (Wall Street Banker leans over and nudges the derivative contract.) "There, he moved!" "No, he didn't, that was you hitting him!" "I never!!" "Yes, you did!"

Hedge-Fund Guy (yelling and hitting the derivative repeatedly): "HELLO CDO!!!!! Testing! Testing! This is your 9 o'clock alarm call!" (Picks up the CDO and thumps it on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.) "Now that's what I call a dead CDO."

Wall Street Banker: "No, no ... he's stunned!" "STUNNED?" "Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Collateralized-Debt Obligations stun easily."

AAA Rating?

"Now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That CDO is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 24 months ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following its strenuous efforts to achieve a AAA credit rating."

"Well, he's... he's, ah... probably pining for the fjords." "PININ' for the FJORDS? What kind of talk is that? Why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?"

"The Collateralized-Debt Obligation prefers keepin' on his back! Remarkable investment, isn't it, squire? Lovely plumage!"

"Look, I took the liberty of examining that CDO when its credit rating fell to junk, and I discovered that the only reason that it hadn't collapsed in the first place was that it had been NAILED there."

Va-Va Voom

"Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that CDO down, it would have nuzzled up to the edge of your investment strategy, forced its way out between all those deadly dull stocks and bonds, and VOOM!"

"VOOM? Mate, this CDO wouldn't `voom' if you put 4 million volts through it! He's bleedin' demised!"

"No. no! He's pining!"

"He's not pining! He's passed on! This CDO is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! His metabolic processes are now 'istory! He's off the twig! He's kicked the bucket, he's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-INVESTMENT!"

(Pause).

Wall Street Banker: "Well, I'd better replace it then. (He takes a quick peek behind the counter.) "Sorry, squire, I've had a look around the trading desk, and we're right out of CDOs. Asset-backed securities in general are in very short supply." (Taps the side of his nose, winking.) "I've got a box full of Treasuries, though."

(Pause).

Hedge-Fund Guy (sweetly): "Do they offer a spread over U.S. government debt?" Wall Street Banker (mumbling): "No, not really, not a spread as such, no."

Hedge-Fund Guy: "WELL THAT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT THEN, IS IT??"

Engrish

Wadi Sindhi Mother

You're divorcing Khishoo? You're divorcing Khishoo? Are you going out of your mind?

Mama, all he wants is anal sex, and my asshole is now the size of an one rupee coin when it used to be the size of a tiny 25p.

Chario, the mother says, you are married to a sutto multi-millionaire businessman from Hang Kang, you live in an 25,000 square ft, 14 bedroom, 7 bathroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari F430 Spider, you get $10,000 a week spending money, you take 6 vacations a year, and you want to throw all that away for just 75 paise?

नसबंदी पर नेक विचार

नसबंदी की टीम को दुबारा अपने गाव मे देख कर एक बुढा बोला, "इन लोगो ने कनेक्शन तो पहले ही काट दिया था। अब क्या handset भी ले जायेंगे?