Tuesday, July 13, 2004

How to screw up an Interview?

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants.

The lowlights:

1. "... stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

4. "... asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

5. "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and French fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve"

6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

9. "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, he went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

10. "... pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."


12. "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?" I said, "I
assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further." He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

15. "His attaché [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

17. "... asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security,"

18. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk."

Thursday, July 01, 2004

You know you are a Canadian if...

You know you are a Canadian if...

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.

2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".

3. You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine".

4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

5. You drink pop, not soda.

6. You know what it means to be on pogey.

7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!"

8. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.

9. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

10.You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

11.When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.

12.You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't want to know if he has!

13.You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

14.Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.

15.You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

16.You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

17.You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

18.You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".

19.You know that Mounties "don't always look like that".

20.You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".

21.You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.

22.You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

23.You participated in "Participaction".

24.You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale,"What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me".

25.You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.

26.Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don't possess a Canadian passport.

27.You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

28.You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

29.You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

30.You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

31.You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.

32.You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

33.You were mad when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.

34.You know what a toque is.

35.You have some memento of Doug and Bob.

36.You know Toronto is not a province.

37.You never miss "Coaches Corner".

38.Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.