Naughty jokes

John asks his grandpa: "Do you still have sex with granny?"
Grandpa: "Yes,but only oral."
John says: "What is oral?"
Grandpa: "I say F**k you, and she says: F**k you too."

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A prostitute's nursery rhyme:
One two lets screw,
Three four I'm a whore,
Five six suck the dick,
Seven eight ejaculate,
Nine ten f**k me again.

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In a party, a lady wanted to go to toilet.
She said to Santa: सुसु करने की जगह दिखाओ.
Santa: U naughty girl, पहले तुम दिखाओ.

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Pappu sees his parents having sex.
Pappu: Papa, क्या कर रहे हो?
Santa: Petrol भर रहा हूँ
Pappu: Avg check कराओ, अभी तो Banta uncle डाल कर गए हैं

Captain Kirk is Canadian

William Shatner, who hosted a gala last Thursday at Montreal's Just For Laughs festival, delivered what was generally conceded to be the best opening bit of the fest with his own spoof of Molson's I Am Canadian rant. TV viewers will see it this fall when Just For Laughs begins airing new
episodes on CBC.

"Hey, I'm not a Starfleet Commander or T.J. Hooker.
I don't live on Starship NCC dash 1701 or own a phaser.
I don't know anyone named Bones, Sulu or Spock.
And no, I've never had Green Alien Sex-although I'm sure it would be quite an evening.
I speak English and French, not Klingon. I drink Labatt's, not Romulan Ale.
And when someone says to me, 'Live long and prosper,' I seriously mean it when I say 'Get a life!'
My doctor's name is not McCoy, it's Ginsberg.
And Tribbles were puppets! Not real animals!! Puppets!!!
And when I speak, I never, ever, talk / like / every / word / is / its / own / sentence!
I live in California, but I was raised in Montreal.
I believe in Priceline Dot Com, where you never have to pay full price for airline tickets, hotels and car rentals.
I have appeared on stage at Stratford, Carnegie Hall, Albert Hall and at the Monkland Theatre in NDG (Notre Dame de Grace).
And yes, I've gone where no man has gone before. But I was in Mexico and her father gave me permission.
My name is William Shatner and I AM CANADIAN."